I feel like I use this blog more for a way to vent after making mistakes than anything else. I certainly don't brag on myself enough, but that's okay. (For the record, I have been playing great lately and have been cashing & getting deep in tournaments consistently over the last month or so.) I'm a perfectionist by nature, so while I feel great after making good decisions, in the back of my head I kind of expect it. And when I make a mistake, I tend to dwell on it.
Now, let me say I have made MASSIVE strides as years have gone by regarding this. I used to beat myself up over making little mistakes and it used to cripple my performance in sports. I would over think things, causing me to freeze up and as a result I used to punch lockers after I would lose. That was high school. Of course I'm an adult now and have matured quite a bit since then, but there is still a voice in the back of my head that is always critiquing me.
Playing poker over the last 6 years has helped me calm this voice, but it is always there. I started out playing like a nit, always seeing monsters under the bed and nitting it up because I was afraid of making a mistake. After a few years, I swung the pendulum the other way making elaborate bluffs and hero calls just to prove to myself that I wasn't afraid. Over the last year or so, I've controlled the pendulum and I feel have struck a good balance between being nitty and spewy. I have placed a high emphasis and recognizing hand ranges, removing emotions and making the most +EV decisions.
Every once in a while, however, that constant ongoing voice escapes from it's cell and starts whispering in my ear. What it mostly tells me is "stop playing like a nit and start stealing with trash more" or "if you want to win more tournaments you have to get more aggressive 'like those top internet players'". While this voice is sometimes right, it's extremely one sided. It's only a voice because it represents the opposite of my old nitty tendencies when I first got started playing poker. The reality is that my game is based on so many other factors including the other players, stack sizes, my image, etc. Good poker doesn't mean being spewy aggro all the time. Trust me, I open up my game when it makes sense and while there might be spots that I might pass up, I have been doing a really good job lately at pulling the trigger when my gut says to. But I guess for some reason, I still have something to prove to myself and the voice came back on Sunday.
To give a quick synopsis, I was playing great and made a comeback to be one of the chip leaders. I had built up my stack and then started running into situations where when I opened up my game, I got tons of action and I had to fold. I was down to 9bb and was able to build it back up to almost 40bb (which for this tournament's structure is great).
Now there is 12 left, we are 6 handed and I have about $140K at 4k/8k + 1k. Average stack is $80K. I raise with JTos to 21K and the BB who recently got moved to the table, who I have NO reads on asks how much it is, thinks about folding, then calls. BB has $106K.
Flop is QT9 with 2 diamonds (I have no diamonds). $52K in the pot and he leads into me for $30K leaving himself $55K behind. Without really thinking about what he has (although I assume some sort of Q), I jam. Now that I'm thinking about it after the fact and realizing stack sizes and thinking about WHAT HAND DOES HE HAVE, I have to fold this. I can't just say "he probably has a Q and I have outs). The reality is that he has a Q that either crushes me or has my outs. Q9, QT, QJ, KQ all suck for me. I have zero fold equity and at BEST I have 9 outs. I can easily fold this hand and still have a good stack, yet I freaked and said "OMG I have a pair and a draw, I can't fold at this stage of the tournament".
So the voice made me not think through the hand and I forced a play that didn't make sense because "I'm supposed to be aggressive now." Where emotion clouded my thinking started when he defended his bb. Instead of putting him on a range, I just got pissed a little because I just wanted to steal the blinds and I had been playing tight, slowly losing my big stack because of antes. This was the first time I opened up a bit and of course now I get called. I took it personally I guess because I must have felt the poker gods were punishing me for being aggressive. (lol @ poker gods...no such thing...it's all uncontrollable variance and the human mind's desire to find patterns in things where there are no patterns...but that's another topic.) Now when he leads into me, I get even more pissed because I'm stuck in a tough spot and I guess I felt offended that he led into me. Another lol, because while I had no reads I know this guy only plays his cards so he is telling me face up that he has a good hand and that I have no fold equity. So if he is betting HIS hand, his bet is not a personal attack...and it's NOT a personal attack from the "poker gods".
Anyway, it's strange that after playing 7 hours of great poker that this crept up. I think because we were at the final table and essentially the money bubble, I was putting pressure on myself to be "like those aggro top internet players". This pressure led to emotions and the emotions led to the spew. The reality is that the best players hand read and make situational decisions. Sometimes aggression makes sense and sometimes you have to make great laydowns. Sometimes it makes sense to be super aggro on the bubble and sometimes you have to pick your spots carefully. Also, it's pretty silly and -EV to compare myself to anyone or make plays that I think others would make. Every single situation is different and has different factors that influence them. My hand is going to be different than other hands and as long as I am confident in my decision that's all that matters.
So moving forward I am going to stay confident in my game and when I feel like emotion or pressure I'm putting on myself or "the voice" is getting louder, I will take a step back and take time to think through the situation logically and make the play that is correct for that specific situation.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Blinded by the flop
Had an interesting situation occur tonight at a live tournament. I say it's interesting because of how it affected my thinking.
Now let me safe face a bit here by saying that since I switched back to tournaments in preparation for the WSOP, I've been playing really well. I've had deep runs and a few final tables online over the last couple of weeks. Having said that, I made a bad call in a big pot tonight and it was due to two reasons:
1. I had lost a big pot early (but with right reads and the right play - he just happened to catch 2pr on the river). I was cool, and then I won a big pot and then got KK the very next hand. I was facing a raise and when I 3bet it, a guy in the blinds called and so did the original raiser. So now I'm in a big pot again and I guess my emotions got high, hoping I would win a big pot and scared of getting sucked out on. BLEH...what's with the "hoping" and emotion based thinking?
2. I was blinded by a monotone flop - The flop comes T7J all diamonds and I have no diamond. It checks to me and I bet 1525 into 2100. The bb folds and the other player calls saying "well I have to call because of the 25". At this point, my range narrowed squarely on him having a J or a diamond. All I saw was the flush/flush draw and a "coordinated board", but at this point I got so caught up in being scared of losing the pot that all I could think about was the diamonds. I failed to start calling out in my mind all the specific hand combinations he could have. The turn is the 9s. He checks and I tank. For some reason he seems a little relaxed and talkative to the others around him and I pick up on it, but I don't really study him. Not that live tells are the nuts, but it can be a factor in a hand like this. After thinking for a while, I check behind. He had less than a pot sized bet left (3,800) and I weighed the pros and cons of giving a diamond draw a free card. Could he have an 8? Maybe, but I would think he bets the turn with a low straight. There are also random 2 pair combos that are pot controlling. But I still kept thinking about all those diamonds. The river was a blank 3 and he insta-shoved. I deliberated for a bit, but kept thinking he missed his draw. I didn't even consider that he could have a straight or even possibly flopped a flush. I mean I was worried about straight type hands, but I never put him on specific hand ranges. Alas, I called and he showed KQ with the Kd. Once he got there he played it well and it all makes sense. He checked and looked comfortable because he was only worried about me having the Ad. He had the nuts with a nuttish re-draw. Could he have had a missed draw? Maybe some % of the time, but probably not the 30% or so I needed. This was also the second orbit at the table and I have no reads on how this guy plays. And I didn't really even look at pot odds and the likelyhood of being ahead or behind. Had I come to an unemotional and logical conclusion, I would be fine. But I narrowed his range to a missed draw and couldn't let go of it.
3. Another possible reason I made the call was because of an energy drink I had. Huh? An energy drink? Yes. Usually if I have one it helps me stay focused, but sometimes it jacks up my heart rate and makes me feel a little anxious. Throughout this hand, I never felt emotionally detached so I could make logical decisions. When I'm emotionally detached, my breathing slows, my muscles relax and my heart rate drops. In this case, my heart rate had been elevated from the previous big hand but I wasn't able to bring it down. I'm not saying this was an excuse for making the call, but it did have an effect.
Anyway, I'm over it now. Just played a couple of 45 and 90 man tournaments on Tilt and took 2nd in one of them. I brushed it off and moved on.
Now let me safe face a bit here by saying that since I switched back to tournaments in preparation for the WSOP, I've been playing really well. I've had deep runs and a few final tables online over the last couple of weeks. Having said that, I made a bad call in a big pot tonight and it was due to two reasons:
1. I had lost a big pot early (but with right reads and the right play - he just happened to catch 2pr on the river). I was cool, and then I won a big pot and then got KK the very next hand. I was facing a raise and when I 3bet it, a guy in the blinds called and so did the original raiser. So now I'm in a big pot again and I guess my emotions got high, hoping I would win a big pot and scared of getting sucked out on. BLEH...what's with the "hoping" and emotion based thinking?
2. I was blinded by a monotone flop - The flop comes T7J all diamonds and I have no diamond. It checks to me and I bet 1525 into 2100. The bb folds and the other player calls saying "well I have to call because of the 25". At this point, my range narrowed squarely on him having a J or a diamond. All I saw was the flush/flush draw and a "coordinated board", but at this point I got so caught up in being scared of losing the pot that all I could think about was the diamonds. I failed to start calling out in my mind all the specific hand combinations he could have. The turn is the 9s. He checks and I tank. For some reason he seems a little relaxed and talkative to the others around him and I pick up on it, but I don't really study him. Not that live tells are the nuts, but it can be a factor in a hand like this. After thinking for a while, I check behind. He had less than a pot sized bet left (3,800) and I weighed the pros and cons of giving a diamond draw a free card. Could he have an 8? Maybe, but I would think he bets the turn with a low straight. There are also random 2 pair combos that are pot controlling. But I still kept thinking about all those diamonds. The river was a blank 3 and he insta-shoved. I deliberated for a bit, but kept thinking he missed his draw. I didn't even consider that he could have a straight or even possibly flopped a flush. I mean I was worried about straight type hands, but I never put him on specific hand ranges. Alas, I called and he showed KQ with the Kd. Once he got there he played it well and it all makes sense. He checked and looked comfortable because he was only worried about me having the Ad. He had the nuts with a nuttish re-draw. Could he have had a missed draw? Maybe some % of the time, but probably not the 30% or so I needed. This was also the second orbit at the table and I have no reads on how this guy plays. And I didn't really even look at pot odds and the likelyhood of being ahead or behind. Had I come to an unemotional and logical conclusion, I would be fine. But I narrowed his range to a missed draw and couldn't let go of it.
3. Another possible reason I made the call was because of an energy drink I had. Huh? An energy drink? Yes. Usually if I have one it helps me stay focused, but sometimes it jacks up my heart rate and makes me feel a little anxious. Throughout this hand, I never felt emotionally detached so I could make logical decisions. When I'm emotionally detached, my breathing slows, my muscles relax and my heart rate drops. In this case, my heart rate had been elevated from the previous big hand but I wasn't able to bring it down. I'm not saying this was an excuse for making the call, but it did have an effect.
Anyway, I'm over it now. Just played a couple of 45 and 90 man tournaments on Tilt and took 2nd in one of them. I brushed it off and moved on.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Maybe This Time...
Just an interesting observation from a hand the other night. When making decisions during a hand, our brain often tricks us into thinking about situations based on what we "want" the outcome to be in order to justify a play. We want to "win" every pot, but sometimes winning means folding.
You have to remind yourself that decisions are about long-term expected value and not "maybe this time he has X" or "there's a chance he has X". If you ever trick yourself into thinking this way, you have to remember that "maybe" and "there's a chance" probably equate to about 5-10% of their range MAX. Maybe this time he has AK and my pair is good; maybe this time he's bluffing...well, what is the other 90-95% of his range include? How confident are you in your read that they hold the hands that you think they "might" have? If your read is that they are a super aggro spewtard then your decision isn't based on "maybe this time" it's "he's bluffing here a large % of the time...at least 50%". If you have no reads, then "might", "there's a chance" and "maybe this time" aren't enough to justify a decision.
You have to remind yourself that decisions are about long-term expected value and not "maybe this time he has X" or "there's a chance he has X". If you ever trick yourself into thinking this way, you have to remember that "maybe" and "there's a chance" probably equate to about 5-10% of their range MAX. Maybe this time he has AK and my pair is good; maybe this time he's bluffing...well, what is the other 90-95% of his range include? How confident are you in your read that they hold the hands that you think they "might" have? If your read is that they are a super aggro spewtard then your decision isn't based on "maybe this time" it's "he's bluffing here a large % of the time...at least 50%". If you have no reads, then "might", "there's a chance" and "maybe this time" aren't enough to justify a decision.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Best Session Yet
I just played my best session of cash games ever. I was up, but that is irrelevant. I plugged a ton of leaks in this session that I plan to make habitual. I made the right plays at the right time vs. the right players. I think that last part was a big piece of why I was barely up after 25,000 hands. I was making good plays and good decisions, but just not against the right players. Today, I did my PTR homework on almost everyone at the table and did a better job observing the players (vs. tinkering around with my table scanner to find better tables).
Leaks I've improved today:
- I didn't speculate out of position unless I had great implied odds vs. certain players and I knew how they would play post flop
- When playing multiple tables, I used to act too quickly and would forget to make a play based on that specific players tendencies and hand ranges (I would default back to my hand)
- I didn't force plays from out of position. I would make a play vs. the appropriate players if it made sense instead of against the regs.
- I didn't make moves against players I have no reads on - no need to force, just let it go until you have a read on their range/tendencies
- I focused my 3betting from position and vs. the right opponents
- I played during the day for less than 2 hours (in other words I was fresh and could make clear decisions)
- I wasn't afraid of big pots, but I controlled the pot when it made sense
- I talked through specific hand ranges before making a logical, fear free, emotion free decision (both not afraid to make the play, but also not afraid to make the fold)---***this was a big one***
From a stats standpoint, I'll dig through HEM later for more details, but it looks like my 3bet % is up compared to my last 10 or so sessions (5.8) and my aggression factor is up a notch (3.38). My VPIP and PFR are actually a little lower than normal, but I did go through a pretty dry patch towards the end of the session.
Overall I'm really happy. I may have missed a couple of spots (i.e. one river value bet and one time 3betting someone without a read), but I'm not going to be a crazy perfectionist and get down on myself about it. I will strive to continue to improve those spots though.
Leaks I've improved today:
- I didn't speculate out of position unless I had great implied odds vs. certain players and I knew how they would play post flop
- When playing multiple tables, I used to act too quickly and would forget to make a play based on that specific players tendencies and hand ranges (I would default back to my hand)
- I didn't force plays from out of position. I would make a play vs. the appropriate players if it made sense instead of against the regs.
- I didn't make moves against players I have no reads on - no need to force, just let it go until you have a read on their range/tendencies
- I focused my 3betting from position and vs. the right opponents
- I played during the day for less than 2 hours (in other words I was fresh and could make clear decisions)
- I wasn't afraid of big pots, but I controlled the pot when it made sense
- I talked through specific hand ranges before making a logical, fear free, emotion free decision (both not afraid to make the play, but also not afraid to make the fold)---***this was a big one***
From a stats standpoint, I'll dig through HEM later for more details, but it looks like my 3bet % is up compared to my last 10 or so sessions (5.8) and my aggression factor is up a notch (3.38). My VPIP and PFR are actually a little lower than normal, but I did go through a pretty dry patch towards the end of the session.
Overall I'm really happy. I may have missed a couple of spots (i.e. one river value bet and one time 3betting someone without a read), but I'm not going to be a crazy perfectionist and get down on myself about it. I will strive to continue to improve those spots though.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Cash games vs. tournaments - quick update
I am learning a TON by playing cash games. By playing deep stacked and multiple tables, it truly reveals the strengths and weaknesses in your game. When you have no choice but to go on autopilot, you make decisions without the benefit of having time to fully analyze your decisions. If you are playing your A game and are in the zone or are presented with standard situations that you have seen hundreds or thousands of times before, these decisions are easy. However, if you aren't in the zone and are faced with situations you may not have encountered as much OR things haven't quite been going your way, your B or C game starts to reveal itself. According to Jared Tendler, your C game is the complete autopilot game that doesn't really require much conscious thought.
So what I am finding is that when I'm not playing my A game, because I am playing so many hands by multitabling cash games it makes is easier for me to discover holes in my game that I didn't realize were there before. By using Hold'em Manager I am able to analyze these leaks and make improvements. Okay, so yeah, duh. Analyzing my game makes me better...of course. But I am seeing so many more flops than I ever did playing tournaments. This means that I'm able to make more poker decisions during a hand and a session than I did before. I'm getting better at reading and narrowing down hand ranges because it's not as simple as a quick pre-flop equity decision. All of these post-flop decisions reps that I'm getting in are really starting to improve my early tournament play. I haven't played many tournaments lately, but the ones I have played I've done well in and have been able to play a lot deeper because I'm not in push/fold mode so early.
So the WSOP is coming up and I'm getting backed for the main event. I'm pretty excited and ready to play some great poker. I am trying to play more live tournaments in Atlanta so I keep those skills sharp and I will be playing more deeper stacked online tournaments in the coming months to prepare for the structure of the main event. I'll still play cash, but I'll be tapering back how many tables I play in order to train myself to make fully thought out decisions instead of "insta" ones.
Anyway, gonna put in some cash hands tonight. It's actually been a full week since my last session. I've been playing well lately and I discovered a few leaks recently that I plan on plugging up tonight.
So what I am finding is that when I'm not playing my A game, because I am playing so many hands by multitabling cash games it makes is easier for me to discover holes in my game that I didn't realize were there before. By using Hold'em Manager I am able to analyze these leaks and make improvements. Okay, so yeah, duh. Analyzing my game makes me better...of course. But I am seeing so many more flops than I ever did playing tournaments. This means that I'm able to make more poker decisions during a hand and a session than I did before. I'm getting better at reading and narrowing down hand ranges because it's not as simple as a quick pre-flop equity decision. All of these post-flop decisions reps that I'm getting in are really starting to improve my early tournament play. I haven't played many tournaments lately, but the ones I have played I've done well in and have been able to play a lot deeper because I'm not in push/fold mode so early.
So the WSOP is coming up and I'm getting backed for the main event. I'm pretty excited and ready to play some great poker. I am trying to play more live tournaments in Atlanta so I keep those skills sharp and I will be playing more deeper stacked online tournaments in the coming months to prepare for the structure of the main event. I'll still play cash, but I'll be tapering back how many tables I play in order to train myself to make fully thought out decisions instead of "insta" ones.
Anyway, gonna put in some cash hands tonight. It's actually been a full week since my last session. I've been playing well lately and I discovered a few leaks recently that I plan on plugging up tonight.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
New Perspective; Training Mental Skills
So I've had a couple of days to marinate on how to improve my leak of chasing losses during a session. I believe that this is a skill that must be drilled like any other skill in order to make it automatic. I also think that tilt control is the same thing. I used to have tilt control in tournaments, but multi-tabling cash games introduced a new dynamic and it also is a skill I must re-apply consistently. Knowing how to apply these skills and practicing the skill so that it is second nature are two different things.
So, in order to progress forward and develop these skills I will be doing the following:
1. Training myself and drilling reps making disciplined decisions outside of poker on a daily basis. Self-discipline is a mental skill that can be applied to all areas of life and I will be starting with simple things on a daily basis. So far I'm starting with not texting while driving, doing dishes when they have piled up, not adding sugar to my coffee and getting out of bed when I wake up (instead of snoozing)
2. I am only going to look at how many hands I've played (and not wins or losses) and will stop my session whether or not it is shaded green or red. Of course there will be two exceptions:
a. If the session is going exceptionally well, I will keep playing (and still not look at the results).
b. If the session is going exceptionally bad (not just running bad but if I am also not playing optimally), I will check and see how close I am to my stop loss of 3 buy-ins.
Once I improve my discipline, I will also add in a third exception:
3. If I'm playing great and there are huge fish at the tables, yet I'm shaded red. In this case, I will make sure I'm not near my stop loss. If I am, I will leave the session. If I'm not, I will continue to play BUT I will stay focused on playing optimum poker and NOT trying to get back to green. I will also not force plays against the fish in order to stack them. I will just keep playing good poker.
So basically I am putting mechanisms in place that will enable me to focus on just playing poker and not being results focused. This, along with training my own self-discipline is going to be a major positive direction in my game.
So, in order to progress forward and develop these skills I will be doing the following:
1. Training myself and drilling reps making disciplined decisions outside of poker on a daily basis. Self-discipline is a mental skill that can be applied to all areas of life and I will be starting with simple things on a daily basis. So far I'm starting with not texting while driving, doing dishes when they have piled up, not adding sugar to my coffee and getting out of bed when I wake up (instead of snoozing)
2. I am only going to look at how many hands I've played (and not wins or losses) and will stop my session whether or not it is shaded green or red. Of course there will be two exceptions:
a. If the session is going exceptionally well, I will keep playing (and still not look at the results).
b. If the session is going exceptionally bad (not just running bad but if I am also not playing optimally), I will check and see how close I am to my stop loss of 3 buy-ins.
Once I improve my discipline, I will also add in a third exception:
3. If I'm playing great and there are huge fish at the tables, yet I'm shaded red. In this case, I will make sure I'm not near my stop loss. If I am, I will leave the session. If I'm not, I will continue to play BUT I will stay focused on playing optimum poker and NOT trying to get back to green. I will also not force plays against the fish in order to stack them. I will just keep playing good poker.
So basically I am putting mechanisms in place that will enable me to focus on just playing poker and not being results focused. This, along with training my own self-discipline is going to be a major positive direction in my game.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Why Can't I Just Leave the Falkdfja;kdfin Table?
I have noticed a trend now of the last 6-7 sessions. I am playing great and making great reads and then I get involved in a pot where I stack off in a marginal situation. While sometimes it is somewhat of a cooler (like KK vs. a set on a ten high board), it has also recently been when I'm jamming my chips in pre-flop with AK only to be up against AA or KK. Or I'm making a bad read vs. a tight short-stack and end up way behind. It has also been situations where I speculate in a situation where I'm out of position because "he can't always have something" and end up losing a 40-50bb pot.
So each play in a vacuum isn't the end of the world, but what is happening is that I'm letting each one get under my skin and it starts to manifest. Each small loss after that adds ever so slightly to the tilt. Next thing you know I'm down for the session.
Example from the last couple of sessions:
Chasing losses is my single number one leak. Now it's not that I start to splash around and want to see flops with any suited card or start limp/calling from out of position. I think I've gotten my C game to a point where I can still play decent and recognize situations. My problem is that I stay in the game "hoping" for some big hand to happen where I make it all back and while I am waiting, along comes a marginal situation where I convince myself that I am ahead when it's clear I'm behind. Or I know I'm behind and then I pick up a draw on the turn and because the pot is so big, I chase it anyway ignoring pot odds because I can "end the session positive".
It's really such a stupid, ego driven mentality. And I KNOW not to do it. I even have the following posted on my computer to help me re-focus if things start going bad:
--------------------------------------------------------
What's my job?
1. What range of hands does this particular player have?
2. What is the most +EV decision?
Take your time to analyze the situation, no matter what the hand is or who the player is.
Discipline.
Poker is one big session. Fight to improve when things are going bad, but if you are not playing well and are around your stop loss, just stop and live to fight another day.
---------------------------------------------------------
So obviously something has to happen. The way I see it, I have two choices:
1. Hang my head and assume I'll never be a long term winner in cash games because of this leak.
2. Step the fck up and either improve my discipline when stopping sessions or get better at dealing with adversity...or both.
See, it's not just about feeling like I want to leave a session as a winner (or at least not a loser). That desire to not lose has to go deeper than that. There is a reason WHY I am having trouble just stopping the session when I am literally saying out loud "okay, time to stop so you don't tilt off any more money". One is certainly a matter of self-discipline and training myself to just let go. But I've had down sessions before and had no problem leaving a table. And I also fully recognize that poker is one big session and it doesn't matter how you do each individual session.
I think it's that B and C game things are showing up that I often times don't let bother me. For example, I got it in with AK vs. KK, which in hindsight may have been a mistake. But either way, I didn't really let it bother me. I marked the hand so I could look at it later and went on with my session. I then started playing really well and felt like I was making progress upward. Around 11:45pm I decided to see how many hands I had played and when I refreshed Holdem Manager, I saw that my session was red (meaning negative). I was surprised and disappointed, but knew that it had to be somewhat close to even and I told myself I would play until about 12pm and, in the back of my mind, thought I could win a few more pots and would leave the session up a bit. Around 12am, I looked and I was down $50. I was a little disappointed, but still wasn't a huge deal and I told myself I should stop now and be happy that I played the session well overall. Of course, for some reason (which I still need to discover the reason in order to fix the problem) I said "just a little longer to see if I can leave up...just 100 more hands...just 15 more minutes." Well, in those 15 minutes I got caught in a marginal spot with TT and lost about $70. I played a little longer, then won back a bit, then decided to "just play a little longer" and stacked off with JJ on a ragged flop when EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING said I was behind, yet I stacked off anyway.
So...something is happening that either:
1. Makes me feel like I can't have a negative session even if it's only a few bucks(pressure to win, ego to have a pretty upward graph, etc.)
2. Makes me beat myself up over negative results (or at least making a negative EV decision)
3. Is causing me to slip into my B and C game too easily (not being fresh, letting baggage from previous sessions affect my play, perfectionism)
Okay, obviously I'm not going to find the magic answer in one blog post. I know I'm onto something and I know that it is a combination of multiple factors. I really think it has mostly to do with #3. I know how to play well and I know all of the psychological components of the game. I also think that this is just part of the learning process for me to go through when playing cash games. Maybe I'm expecting overnight results with a skill that, while I recognize that it is important, that I haven't drilled enough times where it is part of my subconscious. Those skills being to emotionally detach in cash games and the discipline to leave a session. Because I expect a lot out of myself, I am further beating myself up when I don't perform the skill and the cycle continues.
So each play in a vacuum isn't the end of the world, but what is happening is that I'm letting each one get under my skin and it starts to manifest. Each small loss after that adds ever so slightly to the tilt. Next thing you know I'm down for the session.
Example from the last couple of sessions:
Chasing losses is my single number one leak. Now it's not that I start to splash around and want to see flops with any suited card or start limp/calling from out of position. I think I've gotten my C game to a point where I can still play decent and recognize situations. My problem is that I stay in the game "hoping" for some big hand to happen where I make it all back and while I am waiting, along comes a marginal situation where I convince myself that I am ahead when it's clear I'm behind. Or I know I'm behind and then I pick up a draw on the turn and because the pot is so big, I chase it anyway ignoring pot odds because I can "end the session positive".
It's really such a stupid, ego driven mentality. And I KNOW not to do it. I even have the following posted on my computer to help me re-focus if things start going bad:
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What's my job?
1. What range of hands does this particular player have?
2. What is the most +EV decision?
Take your time to analyze the situation, no matter what the hand is or who the player is.
Discipline.
Poker is one big session. Fight to improve when things are going bad, but if you are not playing well and are around your stop loss, just stop and live to fight another day.
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So obviously something has to happen. The way I see it, I have two choices:
1. Hang my head and assume I'll never be a long term winner in cash games because of this leak.
2. Step the fck up and either improve my discipline when stopping sessions or get better at dealing with adversity...or both.
See, it's not just about feeling like I want to leave a session as a winner (or at least not a loser). That desire to not lose has to go deeper than that. There is a reason WHY I am having trouble just stopping the session when I am literally saying out loud "okay, time to stop so you don't tilt off any more money". One is certainly a matter of self-discipline and training myself to just let go. But I've had down sessions before and had no problem leaving a table. And I also fully recognize that poker is one big session and it doesn't matter how you do each individual session.
I think it's that B and C game things are showing up that I often times don't let bother me. For example, I got it in with AK vs. KK, which in hindsight may have been a mistake. But either way, I didn't really let it bother me. I marked the hand so I could look at it later and went on with my session. I then started playing really well and felt like I was making progress upward. Around 11:45pm I decided to see how many hands I had played and when I refreshed Holdem Manager, I saw that my session was red (meaning negative). I was surprised and disappointed, but knew that it had to be somewhat close to even and I told myself I would play until about 12pm and, in the back of my mind, thought I could win a few more pots and would leave the session up a bit. Around 12am, I looked and I was down $50. I was a little disappointed, but still wasn't a huge deal and I told myself I should stop now and be happy that I played the session well overall. Of course, for some reason (which I still need to discover the reason in order to fix the problem) I said "just a little longer to see if I can leave up...just 100 more hands...just 15 more minutes." Well, in those 15 minutes I got caught in a marginal spot with TT and lost about $70. I played a little longer, then won back a bit, then decided to "just play a little longer" and stacked off with JJ on a ragged flop when EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING said I was behind, yet I stacked off anyway.
So...something is happening that either:
1. Makes me feel like I can't have a negative session even if it's only a few bucks(pressure to win, ego to have a pretty upward graph, etc.)
2. Makes me beat myself up over negative results (or at least making a negative EV decision)
3. Is causing me to slip into my B and C game too easily (not being fresh, letting baggage from previous sessions affect my play, perfectionism)
Okay, obviously I'm not going to find the magic answer in one blog post. I know I'm onto something and I know that it is a combination of multiple factors. I really think it has mostly to do with #3. I know how to play well and I know all of the psychological components of the game. I also think that this is just part of the learning process for me to go through when playing cash games. Maybe I'm expecting overnight results with a skill that, while I recognize that it is important, that I haven't drilled enough times where it is part of my subconscious. Those skills being to emotionally detach in cash games and the discipline to leave a session. Because I expect a lot out of myself, I am further beating myself up when I don't perform the skill and the cycle continues.
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