So each play in a vacuum isn't the end of the world, but what is happening is that I'm letting each one get under my skin and it starts to manifest. Each small loss after that adds ever so slightly to the tilt. Next thing you know I'm down for the session.
Example from the last couple of sessions:
Chasing losses is my single number one leak. Now it's not that I start to splash around and want to see flops with any suited card or start limp/calling from out of position. I think I've gotten my C game to a point where I can still play decent and recognize situations. My problem is that I stay in the game "hoping" for some big hand to happen where I make it all back and while I am waiting, along comes a marginal situation where I convince myself that I am ahead when it's clear I'm behind. Or I know I'm behind and then I pick up a draw on the turn and because the pot is so big, I chase it anyway ignoring pot odds because I can "end the session positive".
It's really such a stupid, ego driven mentality. And I KNOW not to do it. I even have the following posted on my computer to help me re-focus if things start going bad:
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What's my job?
1. What range of hands does this particular player have?
2. What is the most +EV decision?
Take your time to analyze the situation, no matter what the hand is or who the player is.
Discipline.
Poker is one big session. Fight to improve when things are going bad, but if you are not playing well and are around your stop loss, just stop and live to fight another day.
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So obviously something has to happen. The way I see it, I have two choices:
1. Hang my head and assume I'll never be a long term winner in cash games because of this leak.
2. Step the fck up and either improve my discipline when stopping sessions or get better at dealing with adversity...or both.
See, it's not just about feeling like I want to leave a session as a winner (or at least not a loser). That desire to not lose has to go deeper than that. There is a reason WHY I am having trouble just stopping the session when I am literally saying out loud "okay, time to stop so you don't tilt off any more money". One is certainly a matter of self-discipline and training myself to just let go. But I've had down sessions before and had no problem leaving a table. And I also fully recognize that poker is one big session and it doesn't matter how you do each individual session.
I think it's that B and C game things are showing up that I often times don't let bother me. For example, I got it in with AK vs. KK, which in hindsight may have been a mistake. But either way, I didn't really let it bother me. I marked the hand so I could look at it later and went on with my session. I then started playing really well and felt like I was making progress upward. Around 11:45pm I decided to see how many hands I had played and when I refreshed Holdem Manager, I saw that my session was red (meaning negative). I was surprised and disappointed, but knew that it had to be somewhat close to even and I told myself I would play until about 12pm and, in the back of my mind, thought I could win a few more pots and would leave the session up a bit. Around 12am, I looked and I was down $50. I was a little disappointed, but still wasn't a huge deal and I told myself I should stop now and be happy that I played the session well overall. Of course, for some reason (which I still need to discover the reason in order to fix the problem) I said "just a little longer to see if I can leave up...just 100 more hands...just 15 more minutes." Well, in those 15 minutes I got caught in a marginal spot with TT and lost about $70. I played a little longer, then won back a bit, then decided to "just play a little longer" and stacked off with JJ on a ragged flop when EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING said I was behind, yet I stacked off anyway.
So...something is happening that either:
1. Makes me feel like I can't have a negative session even if it's only a few bucks(pressure to win, ego to have a pretty upward graph, etc.)
2. Makes me beat myself up over negative results (or at least making a negative EV decision)
3. Is causing me to slip into my B and C game too easily (not being fresh, letting baggage from previous sessions affect my play, perfectionism)
Okay, obviously I'm not going to find the magic answer in one blog post. I know I'm onto something and I know that it is a combination of multiple factors. I really think it has mostly to do with #3. I know how to play well and I know all of the psychological components of the game. I also think that this is just part of the learning process for me to go through when playing cash games. Maybe I'm expecting overnight results with a skill that, while I recognize that it is important, that I haven't drilled enough times where it is part of my subconscious. Those skills being to emotionally detach in cash games and the discipline to leave a session. Because I expect a lot out of myself, I am further beating myself up when I don't perform the skill and the cycle continues.
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